L-O-V-E

I never thought I would fall this hard. Damn love. I used to be the hard one; I can let go just like that and never look back. But this time? God, love has conquered every imaginable corner of my hypothalamus. Who have thought I would submit willingly? ( not the physical part, no-uh) Sometimes I ask, what is it with him that I saw for me to be this crazy about him? It's not the looks because looking back, I never appreciated his looks. His humor? Maybe. His kindness? Perhaps. But I don't love him because of those, I love him for an uncertain reason even if a meteor hit my head I won't be able to find that reason.

There are moments when I hate the way I feel...I feel so vulnerable. It's like if he tells me he'd leave then I would prefer that meteor to really hit me in the head and make me forget everything. But no, I don't want to forget everything especially the long years of friendship we had.

It's seems weird especially in times like this when we are not so much in good terms. It's just a tinnie winnie little thing and it freaking hurts me. My usual reaction when being hurt is to get out of the relationship. Yes, I'm that a freak. But right now, even if the little hurt becomes gigantic, I can't imagine of actually letting him go. It feels stupid sometimes and I hate myself for it. But I can't...I really really really can't...If I see him right now, my mind would like to hit him in the head but my body just wants to hug him and tell him I'm sorry am such a freak.

Gee, I'm freaking out again. It's actually my fault because I know how he will feel and I still did it. And moreover, I am talking about random things here I don't even know if there's a connection. Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! Go to bed Ray.