Mumbling Thoughts in My Head

I can buy the things I used to want.
I can spend money not worrying about my salary being delayed.
I can easily give to people around me who needs little financial help.
Everyday I am inside comfortable classrooms.
I do not worry about water supply, broken chairs and tables.
I write on glossy white boards.
I can print materials any time I want.
I can have the books I order as soon as possible.
I say " I need this..." and zoom, I have it.


But I am not happy.

Day by day, I try to find meaning in what I do.
I ask myself " this was your decision, why are you complaining now?".
No matter how I plan the things I would do, it would just be thrown in the trash can. Unrealized.
I watch the clock as it tick tock on the wall.
And when it hits 4 o'clock, I excitedly pack my bag.

It just doesn't seem right.

I try to convince myself: Those kids need me.
But seeing their faces would only hit one word in my head: Migraine.
I try to think of the parents of those kids.
But then again, another word appears in my head: Nanny.

Is this another cause of my incapability in accepting changes?
Or is this the consequence of not thinking thrice?

Maybe Allah is teaching something or is testing me in the word I do not apply much in my life: PATIENCE.